[It's stupid, foolish, unquestionably weak. It's probably a mistake. But he is so tired, and he wants Henry's love so badly. It isn't fair that things are like this. Dorian throws his arms around Henry Jekyll and he holds him close, and he sobs into the shoulder of the man who has brought him to tears.]
[There's a moment of surprise, and a pause with it, Jekyll's arms held uselessly at his sides. He thought Dorian wouldn't want to come close to him, much less embrace him. And he wonders whether it's alright for him to do the same. But he wants to, and he needs to give in to the things he wants if he's to beat Hyde, right? So, slowly, he moves his arms around Dorian in return, placing a hand on his head, to stroke his hair for comfort. He holds Dorian tight, and can't help but follow suit even in tears.]
At least I can be a lesson to you, of what not to become. An example of the reason you must be true to yourself.
[He hopes Dorian will still keep that earlier advice, after his own revelation, in mind. That's why he has to reiterate it.]
[Dorian draws back, sniffling something awful. (He still manages to look pretty.) He rubs at his nose, and shakes his head. and then he rubs at his eyes.] I apologize, Henry. I was just . . . overcome. I do love you, even now.
There is no need to apologise, Dorian. Please don't.
[Berserker offers a soft smile, ducking his head to catch Dorian's eyes as he places a hand on his shoulder. Then, wiping a stain of tears from Dorian's cheek with the heel of his palm, he kisses it before stepping back.]
Thank you for granting me some chance to do right by you. If you don't mind, I do have a few more things I should like to speak with you about. Of course, most can wait for another time, if you would be more comfortable with it. There is only one pressing matter - well, not so urgent, but it is relevant?
[Dorian looks up at Henry, and it's the remarkable thing: he can still seem to look on this man with openness, with trust. With a childish certainty that Henry will do him no harm.
Or rather, he can for a moment. Looking too long on the curves of Jekyll's smile has him draw back. His own lips curve into a smile that is uncomfortable, flickering.]
I am currently working to open a sort of medical centre, which for appearances and safety's sake, should seem to be aligned with the Unseelie. No doubt Miss Ives for one would very much frown upon my intentions. However, I do intend to find some way to aid any. As it stands, though, should you come across anyone in need of medicine, or supplies, or require anything yourself, you will ask it of me, won't you? I would be glad even to share any formula or spell so that it might be replicated. Anything you need.
[And there, Dorian relaxes, smiles. This is still the man he loves. This goodness, this boundless compassion: that is the Henry Jekyll he calls his friend.]
[He beams, and reaches to clasp Dorian's hand in his enthusiasm. How good it is to see Dorian relax, to feel some semblance of normality return. As if things could return to the way they were, to become friends again, properly. In that wave of relief, Jekyll wants to tell Dorian how he's being referred to as a knight, so he can share laughter with someone who knows how he feels on the subject - and who even has called him such a thing. But suddenly he realises taking Dorian's hand so suddenly might frighten the boy, and drops it.]
[He nods, watching Dorian with some doubt even so.] So you are cool with it, then? I'm glad for it.
[Awkward wording aside, he pauses, another point coming to mind because of Dorian's words.]
I...meant to ask. Although I recognise it to be a rude thing to say. But I must wonder, due to your conversation with Hyde, and if it is so, then I feel all the worse for what I - either half of me - did to you. And please do not think of it as an accusation, or that I am disapproving of such things. Certainly I was, at one time, but that is largely due to the fact I felt ashamed that I too had felt-
[No, now he's rambling. He stops himself. Pauses a moment again, before lowering his voice, slowing down.]
Dorian, did your love for me hold a romantic nature?
He looks up at Jekyll: lips parted, eyelids wide open. His pretty lashes nearly brush against his skin. And for a long moment, he has no idea what to say.]
For precisely the reason I gave - though I suppose it may have become lost in my rambling on... Although if I have assumed wrong then it must seem quite the shock, but I won't falter in stating an encouragement in such attractions! It is something I am trying to accept in myself, and so I suppose either way you should know!
What I mean to say is, regardless I am sorry for Hyde, ah, kissing you. But if you have such feelings, then I am afraid I have done you a worse turn still.
[For a moment, Dorian can only stare at Jekyll. Until an incredulous, almost angry sensation overtakes him. So earnest Jekyll's expression! So earnest his concern!]
You truly think it is right to ask such a thing? That I wish to have the full horror of my experience brought forward along with the shame of an affection unreturned? You genuinely believe this is consideration on your part and not a further cruelty? Why would I want to discuss such a thing? What purpose is there in bringing it to light except to mock at?
My God, Henry! You don't understand anything, do you? At least Edward has the dignity of knowing when he causes harm!
No, I do not mean to mock you at all, Dorian! I realise it to be a rude thing to ask so plainly, but I fear causing you pain through willful ignorance.
[He bites down on his lip, bowing his head.] Of course you are right, however. I should not have pressed you, instead I was only ignorant to how cruel it would truly be. But speaking truthfully and candidly, I do not know how I feel at all.
[But how can he make an attempt to explain it? He brings a hand to his mouth, brushing his thumb against his lower lip.]
I can never be certain what is solely Hyde, and what he has inherited from my own feelings, even if those feelings are greatly exaggerated in him. I am so used to denying what I feel that I have no idea at all how to determine. However, I do bear you a great love, Dorian, that much is certain.
[It's just...what exactly that is. And that is a question not only for Dorian, but many others as well.]
You . . . mean to say that you might . . . have a romantic inclination towards me?
[What is this confession.
What the hell even, Jekyll.
STOP CONFUSING HIM HE DOESN'T ?????
(And at the possibility, hope leaps in his stomach. He wants this. He wants Jekyll to love him. He wants Jekyll to desire him. He has committed his heart to Vanessa but he is still hungry for love, and he wants Jekyll's every way he can have it.)]
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At least I can be a lesson to you, of what not to become. An example of the reason you must be true to yourself.
[He hopes Dorian will still keep that earlier advice, after his own revelation, in mind. That's why he has to reiterate it.]
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A lesson on not to drink untested concoctions, you mean?
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Well that too, I suppose! Luckily you shouldn't have a problem so long as you stay away from medical science!
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[Berserker offers a soft smile, ducking his head to catch Dorian's eyes as he places a hand on his shoulder. Then, wiping a stain of tears from Dorian's cheek with the heel of his palm, he kisses it before stepping back.]
As do I, Dorian.
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Fear and desire.
Dorian understands why Jekyll took the memories away. Dorian almost wishes they were gone now, so he could love Jekyll as he did, without worry.]
Ah . . . I suppose that was all I came to tell you.
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Thank you for granting me some chance to do right by you. If you don't mind, I do have a few more things I should like to speak with you about. Of course, most can wait for another time, if you would be more comfortable with it. There is only one pressing matter - well, not so urgent, but it is relevant?
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Or rather, he can for a moment. Looking too long on the curves of Jekyll's smile has him draw back. His own lips curve into a smile that is uncomfortable, flickering.]
What is the matter you wish to discuss, Henry?
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Of course, Henry. I will not hesitate.
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[He beams, and reaches to clasp Dorian's hand in his enthusiasm. How good it is to see Dorian relax, to feel some semblance of normality return. As if things could return to the way they were, to become friends again, properly. In that wave of relief, Jekyll wants to tell Dorian how he's being referred to as a knight, so he can share laughter with someone who knows how he feels on the subject - and who even has called him such a thing. But suddenly he realises taking Dorian's hand so suddenly might frighten the boy, and drops it.]
--Ah, I'm sorry.
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It isn't a problem. Your other side didn't hold my hand.
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[Awkward wording aside, he pauses, another point coming to mind because of Dorian's words.]
I...meant to ask. Although I recognise it to be a rude thing to say. But I must wonder, due to your conversation with Hyde, and if it is so, then I feel all the worse for what I - either half of me - did to you. And please do not think of it as an accusation, or that I am disapproving of such things. Certainly I was, at one time, but that is largely due to the fact I felt ashamed that I too had felt-
[No, now he's rambling. He stops himself. Pauses a moment again, before lowering his voice, slowing down.]
Dorian, did your love for me hold a romantic nature?
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He looks up at Jekyll: lips parted, eyelids wide open. His pretty lashes nearly brush against his skin. And for a long moment, he has no idea what to say.]
Why do you ask?
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What I mean to say is, regardless I am sorry for Hyde, ah, kissing you. But if you have such feelings, then I am afraid I have done you a worse turn still.
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You truly think it is right to ask such a thing? That I wish to have the full horror of my experience brought forward along with the shame of an affection unreturned? You genuinely believe this is consideration on your part and not a further cruelty? Why would I want to discuss such a thing? What purpose is there in bringing it to light except to mock at?
My God, Henry! You don't understand anything, do you? At least Edward has the dignity of knowing when he causes harm!
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[He bites down on his lip, bowing his head.] Of course you are right, however. I should not have pressed you, instead I was only ignorant to how cruel it would truly be. But speaking truthfully and candidly, I do not know how I feel at all.
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I don't understand what you mean.
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[But how can he make an attempt to explain it? He brings a hand to his mouth, brushing his thumb against his lower lip.]
I can never be certain what is solely Hyde, and what he has inherited from my own feelings, even if those feelings are greatly exaggerated in him. I am so used to denying what I feel that I have no idea at all how to determine. However, I do bear you a great love, Dorian, that much is certain.
[It's just...what exactly that is. And that is a question not only for Dorian, but many others as well.]
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[What is this confession.
What the hell even, Jekyll.
STOP CONFUSING HIM HE DOESN'T ?????
(And at the possibility, hope leaps in his stomach. He wants this. He wants Jekyll to love him. He wants Jekyll to desire him. He has committed his heart to Vanessa but he is still hungry for love, and he wants Jekyll's every way he can have it.)]
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[It's not only confusing, which brings some amount of fear, but embarrassing. So he tries to smile through it.]
...This is the reason that I must continue to reiterate, how I beg you to always be true to yourself, so you shall never be like me.
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[The words spill out before Dorian can stop them. And he flushes instantly, not for the could.]
I mean—so that you know yourself. And the nature of your feelings. For the knowledge.
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[#oblivious dweeb 2k701]
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