You truly are far too kind, it's no wonder you're to become such a beloved ruler. It- if it would please you, you may, of course, use my name in any fashion. Although you might wish to hear the truth of the matter first before such a decision...
[He squeezes her hands in return, raising his head enough to look her in the eye. As much as he might like to hide, the least that he can do is to at least meet this confession head-on. Heart pounding in his chest, he takes a deep breath.]
I had always wished to embody a certain ideal, to be good and just and worthy of much respect. So I accepted all that my society preached as absolute truth, and sought not only to reach but exceed that standard, to be the very model of propriety. And I - I enjoyed being that man, it was not against my nature by any means. Only it very pointedly excluded aspects of myself I wished would not exist, that from time to time I might indulge in secret and still feel an overwhelming sense of shame. So great was that shame that I turned my research solely upon one goal: to do away with the shameful part of myself - or rather, to eliminate the concept of evil entirely. If I could remove those desires in myself, then perhaps the entire world could be treated - how wonderful the world would be with only goodness.
[He pauses, presses his lips together.]
And so I was my own test subject when I did come across a formula I believed would work. The effect, however, was quite the opposite of what I hoped; it gave the evil its own form, its own life, and what's more increased it tenfold or more. By use of this drug I would become Edward Hyde and give in to the baser aspects of myself I so detested, and far worse still. In returning to myself, I would be filled with horror, yet at the same time absolute exhilaration. So I used it willingly, so that I might remain my good self in the eyes of others, and still experience pleasures I would forbid myself, through some sort of shared experience with another. That is what I thought of Hyde as, someone else, some monster who shared my body but that I could use in such a way, not at all part of myself. But the truth is that he is very much myself, simply my other half, and the more I allowed myself to become him, the greater power he held over me, until I eventually began to change against my will.
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[He squeezes her hands in return, raising his head enough to look her in the eye. As much as he might like to hide, the least that he can do is to at least meet this confession head-on. Heart pounding in his chest, he takes a deep breath.]
I had always wished to embody a certain ideal, to be good and just and worthy of much respect. So I accepted all that my society preached as absolute truth, and sought not only to reach but exceed that standard, to be the very model of propriety. And I - I enjoyed being that man, it was not against my nature by any means. Only it very pointedly excluded aspects of myself I wished would not exist, that from time to time I might indulge in secret and still feel an overwhelming sense of shame. So great was that shame that I turned my research solely upon one goal: to do away with the shameful part of myself - or rather, to eliminate the concept of evil entirely. If I could remove those desires in myself, then perhaps the entire world could be treated - how wonderful the world would be with only goodness.
[He pauses, presses his lips together.]
And so I was my own test subject when I did come across a formula I believed would work. The effect, however, was quite the opposite of what I hoped; it gave the evil its own form, its own life, and what's more increased it tenfold or more. By use of this drug I would become Edward Hyde and give in to the baser aspects of myself I so detested, and far worse still. In returning to myself, I would be filled with horror, yet at the same time absolute exhilaration. So I used it willingly, so that I might remain my good self in the eyes of others, and still experience pleasures I would forbid myself, through some sort of shared experience with another. That is what I thought of Hyde as, someone else, some monster who shared my body but that I could use in such a way, not at all part of myself. But the truth is that he is very much myself, simply my other half, and the more I allowed myself to become him, the greater power he held over me, until I eventually began to change against my will.
And that is what you met, my other self.